How to Be a Teenager (15 steps)

           I've heard too often the complaints and stories of those who wish they had their teenageship back. There is also an exorbitantly large number of adults who wish to completely put their youth behind them, and for the wrong reasons. So let's do something about it! Today, I'll walk you through a little tutorial on how and why to live like adolescents, otherwise known as open-minded and free-spirited individuals who behave rashly, sometimes immaturely, and are still trying to find their place in this world.


1. Forget everything that you think you know.
   
          It's time to pop the bubble (or the zit, haha punny?) of the limited field of vision and knowledge that you've become comfortable with for so long. As a teenager, you have to get used to the fact that Santa Claus is probably nonexistent, and that people tend to lie about what they want when they want something. You've got to be a completely dry sponge before you can hope to soak in the realities and truths of the new world and...

2. Become your own individual.

          Maybe in middle school (or in the workplace) you can get away with the "being a part of the pack mentality", and know that behaving just like everyone else will help you keep your status, whether it be work or cool-related. That may have worked before, but this is high school, son! Being the optimal teenager involves realizing that not many people really care about the little, or even the big things that you do or accomplish. In fact, you might even want to

3. Quit worrying about status

          Because that will get you nowhere, and that's what little people do. It doesn't pay to follow where others tell you to go, or do what others suggest you should do.

4. Think about life a lot.

          Because you don't know much about it, no matter how old you are. But maybe if you think really hard, the answer will come to you in a flash of inspiration, kind of like an mind-gasm. You've always been very talented at problem solving; I mean, that's what you have to do at school, right? Life could just philosophically be a final exam that you need to study up for. But maybe you should

5. Talk to others and refine your ideas

         Since that's what science is about, isn't it? If you find the teenagers that stand out from the crowd, the ones that have started their metamorphosis already, you'll find much brilliant insight that you can use to clarify your thoughts on where you're headed, and where humanity is headed.

6134^%&084k. Break the rules, and question everything?

         You may have been raised in a family of order. Perhaps you were raised in a family of chaos and entropy. Probably your house was some of both. Maybe you were raised 40 years ago, but you were still raised, even if by yourself. By now, it's time to figure out who raised you right, and what you should have known all along. Rules exist for a reason, but that reason is a lot deeper than "to prevent bad behavior". Go out and break some rules, despite what your mother, brother, sister, boss, father, or best friend told you. It's imperative that you

7. Act stupid. At least once in your life, but hopefully many, many times.

        How are you supposed to know what's dumb if you haven't lived it? The best way to look really ridiculous is to...

8. Try new things. All the time.

       Remember the time your friend Jimmy dared you to eat a frogs' leg and you chickened out? You're pretty sure you never wanted to feel that regret again, so you realize that you need to be bold. Your (insert sport here) team's motto is "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten". So you'll reach for the new, throw out the ancient, try new methods and practices, and it's all because you...

9. Want things. Want them badly.

       And not just the silly, immature things. You want more than a skateboard, or a new pair of shoes, maybe even more than a brand new car. You want opportunity, freedom, and the world. Idealism floods your veins, and your parents' words about "thinking about the future" are starting to really hit you. From this day forth, this world is yours for the taking. But only if you...

10. Work hard towards your goals.

      Teenagers sometimes get a bad rap for being lazy or unmotivated, but those are only the ones that lack self-actualization and just haven't fully gotten there yet. The better examples to look at are those that run on the track before school, those that lock themselves in their rooms at night to study, and those who paint the school's murals. Personally, I would consider the 16-year-old gymnasts at the Olympics at least a little actualized.

11. Sleep. Eat. Repeat.
     
      Your body and mind are still growing, so who can blame you for taking care of the simple things? Too often I see older people sacrifice one or the other because of a short-sighted goal, and they wonder how they end up so cranky sometimes.

12. Make mistaches mistkes mistakes. And learn from them.

      As many people believe, wisdom is earned through experience, and teenagers frankly don't have enough of it. Or sometimes, they just don't respond to the negative areas of their life except with complaints, and then wonder why their lives are stagnant. There was a motto printed on the shirts of a sports team that said "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." Truth.

13. Feel the whole range of emotion.

       Let's face it. Teenagers are emotional! Hormones raging, lives changing, plenty of first experiences, pressures from all angles, interacting with all sorts of people, it's a lot to take on in a few years. Emotions are often discarded, believed by many to be useless and a hindrance. However, emotion is deeply rooted in the subconscious, limbic brain, and it's a huge part of what makes us human. Note: does not apply if you're a robot who's reading this in the distant future.

14. Get frustrated at the way things are. Be aware!
 
      After you've been around something for so long, it's easy to start thinking that it's normal. Take this interesting experiment with corporate monkeys, for example. (What they didn't include was that the banana was removed in step 5.)
 

            Young adults are notorious for being inquisitive, and sometimes rowdy when they see something they don't like. They're less likely to fall for the "that's how things are done around here" mentality, and that's partly because they're still children who are new to the world on the inside. Hopefully, they do something about it when they feel something is wrong.

15. Be curious, adventurous, amused, and like a big child.
       
             This is something anyone and everyone should do, at any age. A few of the other things I've listed are unreachable at a later stage in life, (unless you plan on taking steroids to increase hormone production) but this is a mentality that simply belongs in your life. A big notion with teenagers is that life is short, and therefore should be lived to the fullest and its funnest. Every day is the first day of the rest of your life, so why not try living the next day like a teen (again)?

I Love Commercials: 1877Kars4Kids

If you are from the Massachusetts area of the United States, you may have heard this commercial on the radio. If you are not from around there, I can give you this warning: every who's heard it will agree that it is annoying and will get stuck in your head. I love how the little kid sings, then the old man sings, and they finish by singing together. Super cute!




Bonus! They are now on the web, if you want to donate your car.  I hope you'll be singing this awesome commercial all weekend. I also hope I did not cause you any mental trauma by telling you to listen to it. Have a wonderful weekend!

When Life Gives You Lemons...

You Know What They Say

We've all heard that old saying for when somebody is in a bad situation: "When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade." Some of us might have heard it a bit differently. If you were a fan of the Andy Milonakis Show or if you just liked the theme song (like me), you may remember the line that goes, "When life gives me lemons I make beef stew." Andy Milonakis actually threw away the lemon, radically changed his perspective, and started making beef stew instead. You can see what I mean here. I'm not saying you should give up and move on that easily, by any means. However, I think it is wise to explore the unconventional solutions to your problems.

Lemonade

You kids get off my lawn!

Let's take a sec and think about the associations we have with lemonade. You think of lemonade and you might just picture the exact same thing I do: kids at a table in their front yard, on a sweltering hot day, yelling at passing cars, possibly with a sign posted, and a pitcher of mediocre "I've had better from a Kool-Aid packet" lemonade. Yet, somehow these children find a way to guilt you into spending a quarter or two on a cup, anyway.
Some kid years ago probably had nothing better to do one summer day, so he or she looked around the kitchen and saw some lemons.  They then proceeded to find sugar and tap water, and Viola! they thought of the simplest thing to make to pass the time and even make a bit of money. An instant classic, I think you'd agree.
Well, that is how I see the whole business (no pun intended) of making lemonade: childish. It's like grasping for the simplest solution. The sad thing is that the quick fix is usually only a temporary one. Something else will go wrong after a short time. Imagine if this child saw the lemons and sugar and made lemon squares or lemon cookies; hey, they could have capitalized on that before the girl scouts did! Instead, they made an easily replicable lemonade stand.

Beef Stew

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of soup or beef, but I do enjoy beef stew, every so often. My mom always knows how the weather will be the next day, so she plans dinner accordingly. On a cold, winter, possibly snowy night she will make beef stew. It is a satisfying and well-rounded meal. Beef is the protein. My mom adds carrots and tomatoes for vegetables (yeah, I know tomato is a fruit, but does "fruity beef stew" sound appealing to you?). Potatoes supply the starch in it to make it filling. Beef stew is comfortable and cozy.

"Yummm". - Brook

It is great to come home to a pot of beef stew cooking, knowing it will be done in time for dinner. The savory smell permeates the whole house. What is even greater than eating beef stew is cooking it. Nobody is going to argue that it's the most sophisticated food; it's just good and simple. I told you what my mom puts in it, but there are so many other ways to make it. You can add almost anything you think would taste good. You just put it all together and let it cook for a few hours. Allow the flavors to mingle and the textures to get just right. Lemons are certainly not a traditional ingredient in beef stew, but I think some lemon juice could be a tasty addition.
The only real trick to beef stew is timing. Give it too little time, and the vegetables are raw and crunchy. Give it too much time to cook, and you'll be left with a mushy blob of food. If you just absolutely forget about it and leave it to cook for much too long, it'll dry out and burn.
If you have a bit of time and some lemons, why not make beef stew? It won't be the first idea that comes to mind, but it could turn out quite well in the end.

Next time life gives you lemons, first, be glad for free lemons! Second, take a step back, look around you, and think of all the possibilities: ranging from the most obvious to the extremely abstract. Relax and give yourself and your problem a bit of time to work out. Maybe you could even make some beef stew and tell me how it turns out.


P.S. You can watch Andy Milonakis getting high here (0:57) :P

I love Commercials: Apple

         Apple often receives criticism for the way it oversells its products, which is apparent from the multitude of rather insulting parodies that exist for Siri commercials. I'm not siding either way, and I'm grateful for the (cracked but still functional) iPod Touch that carries the music that enables my survival, but I do like the simplicity element in this commercial. And, of course, it's hard not to like Samuel Jackson making dinner for date night. This commercial does its job.



P.S. I don't know what gazpacho ("'spacho'") is.

I hope this commercial inspires you to appreciate elegance where it's deserving this weekend, and that you make the most of it. Happy Friday!

My 7-Day Juice Fast (and What You Can Get From It)

       I've heard a lot of hype on juice fasts the past year or so, and I'm sure you have too. Most people who partake in one do so in order to lose weight. I saw one blogger who had the ambitious goal of losing 50 pounds in three months, something which, to the best of my knowledge, he did not succeed in. However, I've also heard that they are great for detoxifying and healing. After a little preliminary research , I think this may have some credibility. Since I'm slightly deranged and enjoy challenging myself, I've decided to try going 7 days without one of my greatest delights in the world: food.

Juice-gasm.

       So, that's seven days of juiced fruits and vegetables only. It'll be me, my juicer, and produce. Lots of produce. Let's go.

              The Experience
         Day 1: Nothing too noticeable as of yet. As expected, my body hasn't quite picked up on my endeavor. I've learned that spinach has the ability to, as well as make you extremely healthy, make everything else in a juice taste disgusting. Also, if I don't intensely scrub my juicer afterwards, the flavor will leech into all subsequent juices. I'm taking an iron supplement because I've heard of people getting rather anemic over the course of a fast.
         Day 2: Wow, all I can say is... damn. I'm down 4 pounds, and I was notnotnot (not) trying to lose weight at all. I expected to lose maybe a pound or two in water, but this was something. I find myself taking advantage of the facilities quite often. I haven't actually been hungry that much, which surprises and somewhat scares me, but thoughts of food and tastes bombard me often, seemingly out of no where.
         Day 3: My appetite has started to come back- with a vengeance. My energy levels seem to be returning, after being a bit dizzy for a couple of days. I woke up this morning at 7:30 completely refreshed and rested. I was hoping for this, since the theory is that digestion requires less energy now. Thoughts of food (today I was particularly craving chocolate and sweets) are omnipresent. Juicing (and the inevitable cleanup) have been taking a good amount of time, but that's alright because it's much more convenient to "eat" now.
          P.S. The headaches that I sometimes get after lunch have gone away since day 1.
        Day 4: Today I went to a graduation party, and the food there was so tempting. I keep daydreaming about my favorite foods, and sometimes I'll even mix and match foods in my mind, combining all sorts of flavors (eggplant parmesean + mexican queso dip, for instance). I realize how large a role food plays in my life, yet at the same time, I see how overhyped it has been. I've started to feel more well, and energy levels have been good again. I'm interested in seeing where these cravings go.
        Day 5: I had a headache towards the latter part of the day (around 6). I did a little research and I think it was a salt deficiency, so I drank some saltwater (yum!) The smell of food has just started to really hit me, but the thoughts and cravings are actually not as strong. I think I've gotten (at least a little) better at making not-so-disgusting juices. As I recall, my day went pretty splendidly, but this headache has put a damper on both that memory and my focus. Honestly, I feel just rather confused once in a while, and I'm sure my thoughts and words aren't the most coherent. A note to myself: this challenge seems to have made it easier to make progress in the other ares of my life (i.e. I finally got around to hollowing out a book again, after weeks of idling).
        Day 6: I've decided the first few days are definitely the most challenging and most beneficial, but any time beyond them simply leads to more muscle atrophy. Also, the ratio of muscle to fat lost over this period of time displeases me. While I can still get through my day to day life, I gotta say that this fast has turned into a pessimistic, pointless hassle. Or at least that's what it feels like, sorry for my attitude. Let's see what happens tomorrow.
        Day 7: Today I noticed even more tiredness, more irritation, and less desire to want to interact with people. I feel as though I don't want to put in the effort to interact with people. I'll be glad to finally have plentiful amounts of energy once again. I found myself unchangeably calm, and that provided an interesting angle on life. I'm glad I got to notice the benefits on a different path of life. Libido has been down recently, and so has athleticism. On the bright side, my mixes taste better now, and I have been more attentive to forging good habits that I hope stay with me past this experiment. Above all, I have become so appreciative of food!
        Day 8: Just kidding. No thank you.
        The Results
        My energy levels have gone back to normal within a few days, and the 11 pounds I have lost (I weighed 133 lbs, man!) have almost all come back. My metabolism has climbed back up, and I feel quite optimistic again. I promise you, I appreciate food. Every delicious bite I have reminds me of how lucky I am, and I don't think I'm going to forget that lesson any time soon. On the other hand, I didn't feel very "detoxed" during or after this. I'm not too sure what detoxification feels like, but I don't think this was it. And while I wouldn't recommend this to anyone looking to lose weight or cleanse themselves, my science is only as good as the next guy's. It's important to do your own research when it comes to these things and find out what works for you; that was the reason I did it.
     

We are Very, Very Small: Neil Armstrong

After living for so long, we can forget that there was ever a time in which we didn't live. We can get so caught up in our goals that we might neglect or impair others to complete them. We can get so consumed in them that once we reach them, we don't know where to go. And so we shoot higher, and larger, and grander, and bigger. But then we reach the moon, and once we get there, we take a step back and look at how far we've come. This is an awesome illustration of a wonderful quote by an amazing person who was...

... just one, single human.
As humans, we think we're a big deal. We think that we're *the* deal. Until we realize that we're not. That in the grand scheme of the universe, we're not much at all. That all of our individual struggles, achievements, and possessions are not much, and even our joint accomplishments don't cause the universe to change much. We could reach another galaxy (something many, many years off) and still be: very, very small- there are 100 billion galaxies in the observable universe alone.  Because we come from a very small place. So if something's really stressing you out this week, take a step back and realize that it's really nothing much at all.