100 Awesome Uses of the Apple : An Underappreciated Fruit

                                                                                 Compiled by: Jamie Hubert and Brook Bi

For: Our good, though uninformed pal, Ryan. Sometimes, good things do come out of an hour of idle time.

We hope that this list gives you a good laugh, and some ideas on how to spice up your relationship with your apples.

1. A tasty snack.
2. A doorstop.
3. A projectile.

4. A wife (mistress) for Mr. Potato Head.
5. A computer.
6. A paperweight.
7. A makeshift baseball.
8. Subject matter for art.
9. Inspiration.
10. To keep the doctor away.
11. A home for worms.
12. A perfume. (Just rub it on your skin)
13. A spherical template.
14. Something to stab.
15. Something to shoot arrows at.

A lovely face.

16. Something you can put caramel on.
17. Sauce-able.
18. A main ingredient of apple pie.
19. Shinigami food. (That)

20. Bribes.
21. Threats.
        a. Blackmail
22. Math problems.
23. Currency.
24. A considerate gift.
25. Something that starts with A.
26. A fruit to model jean bottoms after.
27. 700 points in Pac-Man
28. A festive fruit…it’s green and red and yellow!
29. A traffic light.
30. Breaking into car doors.
31. Compost.
32. A 3-dimensional object.
33. A substitute brick.
34. A fruit with which to build a house out of.
35. A hat.
36. Something that rhymes with “scrapple” when writing poetry
37. Something to give to a teacher. 

What a lovely face.

38. Fall decoration.
39. For something that shouldn’t be compared with oranges.
40. A plug for an apple-sized hole in a dam.
41.  An accomplice for an annoying orange. 

42. A party game that leads to many sexual innuendos.
43. A fruit to make chips out of.
44. To cover a book from a dramatic teenage vampire series that is overly talked about. Rhymes with “Eyesight”.
45. The answer to “You are the ______ of my eye.”
46. Also, a 2011 Taiwanese romance film.
47. When you’re feeling pomaceous.
48. An ideal coma-inducing poison fruit.
49. Something health-conscious people give out on Halloween.
50. A source of economic prosperity for a developing country.
51. Something found in orchards.
52. A good fruit for God to forbid. You know you want it!
53. A good substitute for plums.
54. Something that is both red and delicious.
55. Something that is both green and delicious.
56. Something that is both yellow and delicious. 

Ignore the website name.

57. Something that is both brown and not delicious. 

58. Food for your pet fruit fly.
59. Something to philosophize about.
60. Helps d00ds talk. (Adam’s Apple)
61. An appropriate monument for Steve Jobs.
62. A good name for a British psychedelic rock band.
63. When used in conjunction with bees, a nice moderately priced-restaurant chain.
64. A humorous Halloween costume.

65. A crunchy snack.
66. Fake cleavage implants.
67. A part in the Fruit of the Loom logo.
68. When large, New York City.
69. As a percussion instrument.
70. Cider-able.
71. An ideal name for a record label on Abbey Road. 

Yeah! And you thought we were kidding.

72. Something to grow in Harvest Moon.
73. A fun thing to count.
74. Things with which to injure Ryan.
75. A substitute bouquet of flowers.  

76. A punching bag.
77. A substitute 8 ball.
78. If you’re Rudolph in a school play, a bright and shiny nose.
79. In conjunction with Jax, a delicious cereal. (Not the winna’, mon.)
80. A pencil holder.
81. Lunch :)
82. A burnt offering to the gods.
83. When sliced, round shuriken.
84. A basketball.
85. A soccer ball.
86. A ping pong ball.
87. Great to bring to parties. Ladies love ‘em.
88. The main character of a reality TV series.
89. Ingredient for your grandma’s apple crisp recipe.
90. A distraction. (For your getaway, of course)
91. A babysitter for your kids. 92. Something to bob for.
93. A pleasant-smelling biofuel.
94. Helping Isaac Newton discover gravity.
95. To plant, in order to grow more apples!
96. A measuring unit. (you know, like, a mile, a meter, an apple)

From apple haters to lovers.

97. Modeling the solar system.
98. Horse motivation.
99. Something to make a list about.
100. World peace.

We are Very, Very Small: Neil Armstrong

After living for so long, we can forget that there was ever a time in which we didn't live. We can get so caught up in our goals that we might neglect or impair others to complete them. We can get so consumed in them that once we reach them, we don't know where to go. And so we shoot higher, and larger, and grander, and bigger. But then we reach the moon, and once we get there, we take a step back and look at how far we've come. This is an awesome illustration of a wonderful quote by an amazing person who was...

... just one, single human.
As humans, we think we're a big deal. We think that we're *the* deal. Until we realize that we're not. That in the grand scheme of the universe, we're not much at all. That all of our individual struggles, achievements, and possessions are not much, and even our joint accomplishments don't cause the universe to change much. We could reach another galaxy (something many, many years off) and still be: very, very small- there are 100 billion galaxies in the observable universe alone.  Because we come from a very small place. So if something's really stressing you out this week, take a step back and realize that it's really nothing much at all.

Trippin' in Canada: Québec, Québec, Québec! (pt. 1)

I'm ashamed to admit I didn't know where Quebec was.

              Canada is often regarded as America's brother country, but it's surprising how few people have been there. Literally, my experience crossing the border felt more like stopping at a toll booth (granted, you do need a passport). This summer I had the wonderful experience of spending a week with my northern sibling. We rejected Montreal for now to check out another famous Canadian city in its province of the same name, Québec.
             Québec city is home to over 500,000 people, and although Canada's official languages are both English and French, the majority of the ville's people and buildings use French. Québec is a city that elegantly combines the old and the new. There are homey European-style blocks, and sleek, modern high-rise buildings- sometimes in close proximity. Its people are also a vibrant mix of the two, with an interesting, sometimes eclectic crowd of young and old people (and trust me, it's not always the young who are strange). The women are beautiful in a Parisian sort of way, and the men are everything but standard or drab. There's your typical rebellious young type, your thuggish, bodyguard kind, and the highly classy sort. For the most part, the civilians are proud of their French history and older culture, and that shows in their resistance to fully adopt English. It isn't too hard to find someone that's bilingual, (the phrase "Parlez-vous anglais?" goes a long way here) but not everyone that can speak English will want to. Some reason that by giving in, they are sacrificing the two.

Huge mass of people.

           Rather contrary to this belief , there is a huge tourist block in the Ville de Québec. As soon as I got off the ferry (see photo) from Lévis, I noticed a huge mass of people by an old mural, as well as plenty of interesting-looking shops on the streets. Looking into the shops, though, it was pretty obvious there wasn't much of anything authentically Canadian of French. Now, if you will, let me get a point across right now: postcards and cheap souvenirs disgust me. Key-chains and generic pens disgust me. I might never talk to you again if you went to a foreign country and that was what you brought back.  American-style food designed to masquerade as native (e.g. pizza) is also not my thing. If, however, these things attract you, as they seemed to do to swarms of tourists, then by all means come see the Centré Commercial.
           We took a couple hours' walk to the Citadel (Citadelle), which is a functioning military base with tons of history located on the south side of Québec. The wall of the Citadel stretches deep through the entire city, and I enjoyed pretending to be a daredevil walking along the path the walls created (see photo). The citadel is not open to the public, unfortunately, but the landscape around and the building itself are to die for. If you don't believe me, check out the photo.
           Need something more invigorating? The following day, we took a 40-minute car ride to a little place called Mont St. Anne. The place is open to golfing, hiking, biking, skiing (cold season only, obviously), and more, but we only came to see the waterfall. Canyon St. Anne is open year-round to people who come to sight-see, rock climb, or zip line, but I would recommend going during warmer seasons. I did the latter for the first time, and it was ridiculous (in a good way!). In reality, though,  there are tons of beautiful sights to be seen and activities to be done on the outskirts of Québec, this was just one of them. I encourage you to explore whatever you please!
           Honestly, though, simply being in the city was an experience by itself. If you take the time to look around, you'll probably notice something that I couldn't help but observe: no matter where you go, people are inherently the same. Their attitudes, desires, and behavior are all similar, and they'll treat you just like your own kind might treat strangers. Some will give warm welcomes, some may not. I almost got short-changed for 5 dollars at a gas station by a shifty fast-talking fellow. Québec is a city of humans, that's all. So as the British said/say, keep calm and carry on.
             

Find the photos I'm talking about, and more, at this crazy place.

What the Olympics Reveal About Us

Umm... No.

        "Olympic" is a term that's a little overused nowadays, but often has nothing to do with the original tradition of nude athletes lathered in olive oil performing at Olympia, Greece in honor of Zeus. I've heard people refer to their appetites as Olympic. (again... no.) Modern Olympians, though, are definitely Olympic. If you're empirical over evidence (like me), look no farther than "the fastest man on no legs."

          Oscar Leonard Carl Pistorius was born with fibular hemimelia, resulting in two incomplete legs. He received a double leg amputation when he was only 11 months old, and, after receiving prosthetic legs, decided to start playing the South African test of manhood, rugby. After playing for multiple years, he suffered a knee injury, and starting running as rehabilitation. Unbeknownst to him, his coach did not intend for Pistorius to return to rugby. Soon they realized that there was no turning back.

The "Blade Runner" in his element.

         Pistorius, a 400m runner from South Africa, is (at this point in time) the only double leg amputee ever to participate in the Olympic Games. He had already won gold medals in the 100m, 200m, and the 400m runs in the Paralympics, but didn't settle there. He had failed to qualify for Beijing in 2008, but came back with determination to achieve a time of 45.07 seconds in 2011, making him eligible to compete in London. It almost did not happen, though, as the International Association of Athletics Federations banned him under concerns that his leg springs gave him an unfair advantage. It took a revision by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (man, these titles!) in order for him to be able to participate in the 2012 Olympics. In London, he made it as far as the semifinals, but by then had earned the support and respect of the entire world. To the world, he has this to say: "You're not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have."
     
           So what does this mean for the rest of us? It's easy to dismiss this as some story about a guy who is unlike the rest of us, who does not stand on equal footing, or who just doesn't have anything to teach us. But Pistorius, just like plenty of other athletes who compete in the Olympics, reminds us that a) we can go anywhere from any beginning, and that b) dedication is what gets us there. All of us, with a little bit of inspiration and bucket-loads of perspiration, can hit our goals. No one would've thought of Pistorius achieving what he did.  My mom, as she was watching one of his races, stated that the "Blade Runner" shamed the others who weren't handicapped; in my opinion, I believe he inspired them to push harder.

How to Forgive your Bus Driver

Let's give Larry here a chance.

        Growing up in various public schools, I've had my fair share of ups and downs, bests and worsts with bus drivers and their behavior. There were the shouty ones, the stand-uppy ones, and the call-your-parents-over-nothing sort. I'm not saying that I'm some guru here who's ridden every bus on the Western side of the world (though that would be fun), but I'm hoping y'all can relate here. One thing that I've always had trouble doing since I was 5 has been dealing empathy to the bus driver.
        A few days ago, I was waiting for a bus on a route I hadn't taken before. I was sitting indoors in a Boscov's, and I happened to be the only one at the stop. Two minutes behind schedule, I noticed the characteristic engine noises and waited for the bus to come to a stop and check for any passengers. It did not stop. I went outside, thinking it would just readjust somewhere more convenient, but even after noticing me flail my arms around, it kept making its way out of the parking lot. In the end, I flagged down the bus and got into it a little out of breath, and a little ticked. The driver made no acknowledgement of me, and when I asked what the fare was he only made a subtle gesture to the post. I was not aware the machine did not give change (in my defense, I felt a little rushed), so I lost an extra $3.30 that the bus company probably appreciated. As I went to take my seat, all I received from the bus pilot was a dirty, unforgiving stare.
         So, not that pleasant an experience. But later on, I saw the bus driver conversing with a mentally retarded passenger about sports, after receiving a very pleasant "good day, how are you?" Then, I noticed him lower the bus elevation in order to accommodate an elderly lady. In retrospect, I had been more at fault here than I realized. As human beings, it can be very easy for us to only consider ourselves when we feel like we've been wronged by others. But there's true practice in compassion when we stop to consider how it all feels from the perspective of the waitress, the custodian, the bus driver.
          Bus drivers have to go through a lot. First of all, they get stress out the bum, just considering:

• Constant pressure to be on time
• Traffic, and of course assholes
• Asshole passengers 
• Hardly any assistance from the assholes up top
• Physical assault and crime (by assholes)
• Being, essentially, isolated and alone on the job



Something like this?

          Now for the physical perks of being a bus driver:



•  A hunch that rivals that of the Hunchback if you're tall
•  A pedal or two that are awkwardly tucked away from you
•  Minimal calorie expenditure from sitting down all day 
•  Very few, short breaks

           The childhood lesson of "taking a walk in someone else's shoes" is so applicable here. When we're not put under the same circumstances as the driver, it's easy to be cold, judging, and inconsiderate. But the easiest way to forgive your bus driver of their transgressions is to simply love them. Love them for getting you where you need to go, for being reliable and cheap, and just for being them! So take a second to understand them, and quit being an asshole and have a nice conversation with them. We all have our good and bad days, and sometimes we could use a little boost from a stranger.
           My bus driver's name was James. He has a wife and two kids, and the older can kick a soccer ball like it's his job. He's been obsessed with the Olympics recently, is voting for Obama, and has been having lumbar pains a lot recently. He plays a mean game of gin rummy. I think you'd like him, and who knows? One day, you might meet him. So will you remember who he is, or will you just pay attention to what he is?


    P.S. Bus drivers are damn good at what they do. I can't even begin to count the number of close turns and snap decisions I've seen them make.

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